Author: MaryEllen

Our family has been through a lot of grief and struggles – especially in the last six years.

Six years ago we suffered the sudden loss of my younger brother Joe. Two years ago we nearly lost my father to complications in his ongoing battle with COPD. Just 3 1/2 weeks ago my older brother Andy, succumbed to a short four-month battle with liver disease and last week my mother was hospitalized with AFIB. She is still there undergoing tests and procedures to see if her heart is enlarged.

I would be remiss to not first acknowledge that, as always, we have found God’s presence and peace and people to be our strength and sustenance – but I suppose it isn’t too surprising to admit that we are somewhat weak and weary.

When I read this verse this morning –

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NLT

it seemed fitting to share – as a reminder that even though God allows His children to go through trials and sorrows we can have peace in Christ – knowing that He has overcome sin and death ✝️ ♥️

As the devotional that accompanied this verse said,

“… we have the hope of Heaven and eternity with God – full of joy – free from sickness, sin, death, pain and anxiety.”

What a day that will be 💜🙌

It would have been fitting to end this post with that declaration of my heart – but I find it more fitting to point out the Fingerprints of God in His perfect timing to share with me the much needed words of comfort and encouragement written in this devotional and the TRUTH from the Scriptures it references.

May His intimate knowledge and loving response to our needs never ceases to amaze us. – Me from the inside out 💕

“This is the day You have made let us rejoice and be glad in it.” 

An odd verse to think of this morning as I began to write in my prayer journal, and yet, perhaps not odd at all – on this day that we will gather with friends and family to remember and to celebrate the life of my brother Andy – because for us, as believers, there is REJOICING both in life and in death. For in life, he lived “full throttle”, to quote a dear friend of his. He climbed mountains, skied slopes, raftted rivers, rode and hiked the trails of national parks and the back roads of West Viriginia, he went diving in oceans with the fish and out of planes to soar among the birds. Andy lived and he REJOICED in each adventure! 

The validity of his enjoyment came from the tales he told – with words and wth his art – he captured our minds with his adventures. From the excitement of climbing El Capitan to the humorous story of a motorcycle encounter with a huge turkey – the pictures were vivid and remain alive in us today and we REJOICE in the life God allowed him to live. 

However, as another of his dearest friends reminded us as he slipped from us last week, “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord”.  And so – even in his death we REJOICE! To think of him closing his eyes here and opening them in the Presence of God – oh to see the painting or the sketch that would have come of that – oh to hear his story of the ultimate adventure of his life – there in the Presence of the Almighty! There where he knows no pain or suffering or fears or sorrow – only the grand adventure of eternal tomorrows. 

I can only imagine what it must be like for him to walk by Your side Father – what his eyes saw when Your face was before Him. I can only imagine what his pencil would have drawn or his brush painted when he was surrounded by Your Glory. Did he dance in Your Presence? Or did he fall to his knees? Did he sing hallelujah or was he able to speak at all? I can only imagine the beauty he would depict as he forever worships You … I can only imagine* – And the image makes me REJOICE! 💜 

(*adapted from I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me)

Ah Father, You are, as always, GOOD! And I am glad and better for knowing Your goodness – to see it and feel it – to hear it and simply sense it. Your nearness, Your intimate knowledge and care of me, Your intimate involvement with me do not go unnoticed. You reveal Your HEART to me – Your gigantic, loving, full of GRACE heart – and my heart, my life, my mind, my direction – these pieces of me begin to change or be repaired. They are stretched and molded and broken and made alive – by the revelation of Your heart – to look and feel and  see and to respond more and more like You. Your heart reveals Your passion for me so I am moved with compassion. I am moved to give – love, money, gifts, a place, or the warmth of a smile or simple kindnesses – because You gave and continue to give. You forgive so I am moved to forgive. In Your patience with me I am moved to be patient with others and have learned to be still and wait on You. You are attentive to and remember me and this moves me to be attentive to and remember the needs of others. This is not me, this is You loving, living, and moving in me. 

I journal daily of Your goodness Father but this morning, in this quiet, shadow filled room – in the warmth of my blankets and one small light – remembering how I have seen You this week and dwelling on Your Word opened before me – I am overwhelmed by YOUR HEART, the very essence of Your goodness and the reason for Your Presence with me.

May I stay overwhelmed and moved by Your heart and may it (Your Heart) be worn on my sleeve, branding me as  “YOURS”. May it be seen in my actions … heard in my speech … felt in my presence … and missed in my absence – that I might, in the ‘likeness of Him’ – Your heart made flesh, draw others to You so that You might be glorified and their hearts, like mine, might forever be changed. 

When the day is over, just before I crawl into bed, I write in my prayer journal. I write in it of the mornings as well, but the day’s end is reserved for Thank you prayers … Prayers that flow from reflection on the good and bad and mundane things of the day … Reflections that bring realization of God’s presence, protection, correction, provision and most often an awareness of His LOVE. It’s easy to thank God for all the good things He’s done or ways that I’ve witnessed His goodness; the challenge comes in seeing His goodness in the bad and mundane things of the day – but even then – when my focus is on Him thanksgiving flows free and pure. 

Occasionally, however, these bedtime prayers are not from the reflections of the day but reflections of a passage of Scripture or a lesson learned … Tonight’s prayer was an overflow of the 12th day of Christmas. On this final day the symbol we focus on is the CROSS and the name of Jesus is SAVIOR. 

The Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.  — 1 John 4:14-15

So, from tonight’s page in my journal, may you be encouraged to thank God for His LOVE …

Father, Thank You for LOVE even when I fail You. Love that sent YOUR ONLY Begotten Son to be my Savior – the Savior of all who believe — confessing that Jesus is YOUR SON. Love that hung on a cross that I might KNOW forgiveness and freedom. Love that sent YOUR SPIRIT to abide in me that I might abide in/with You. Love that Redeems and Pardons — and shows mercy and grace — LOVE that never leaves. LOVE that comforts and heals and encourages and hears my prayers even when they are whispered from my bed or spoken in a car or thought in my mind and not journaled here on these pages. Thank you for LOVE Father — I LOVE YOU TOO ❤️

On the 12th day of Christmas my TRUE LOVE gave to me … A Savior who is Christ the Lord. 

Ok, so I still don’t know what my “word” is but I do have an idea of what God wants me to focus on this year … 

                                                                            Prayer. 

I have to confess this nudge from the Spirit came as a bit of a shock to me since He has been teaching me for years to pray daily – to pray throughout the day – to stop and pray with and for people – to pray as the Spirit leads – to pray the scriptures back to God – to pray when I awake at night (which is more and more the older I get – LOL!) … But I also have to confess, when I stop and think about it, that the nudge was somewhat expected as I’ve recently realized that I’ve been letting time and events and life get in the way of practicing these things well. 

So, this morning when the Spirit ‘nudged’ me – I journaled: “TEACH ME TO PRAY” and Ephesians 6:18 came to mind … “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere” … This led to Romans 12:12 where Paul gave instructions to be constant in prayer … And from there it was Colossians 4:2 where we’re told to devote ourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving … He kept leading and I kept journaling. The verses weren’t new to me but they were a wake up call to how lax, even weak, I have become in my prayer life – not in the practice of it but in the depth of it. 

And so the FOCUS for 2019 has been set in motion. 

Learning more about prayer … More about … What it means to the Father and what it means to me … about what affect it has … and how to be constant(ly) in prayer … More about praying in the Spirit and on all occasions as Paul instructed … About how to listen and not just talk to God … How to pray not for my will but in alignment with and for His will … How to be more faithful in praying, not just telling God what I need and thanking Him for all He has done (Philip 4:6-7) – but for others, I mean Paul said: “all believers everywhere” … And being more faithful not just to say I’ll pray for you but to actually stop and pray for/with the person asking for prayer … And the list goes on …

So, it seems like there will be much to learn – or relearn – and much, I’m sure, to put into practice if I am to go deeper into prayer. I am humbled for sure but eager to see where and how He leads, teaches, changes, and grows me in this amazing gift and privilege that comes with being His daughter.